"Here is my best advice on the..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”

“Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.”

“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason”

“Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.”

“Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'”

“I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.”

“But in this world nothing is sure but death and taxes.[Fr., Mais dons ce monde, il n'y a rien d'assure que le mort et les impots.]”

“Budget deficits are not caused by wild-eyed spenders, but by slow economic growth and periodic recessions. And any new recession would break all deficit records. In short, it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low, and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now.”

“If you have been voting for politicians who promise to give you goodies at someone else's expense, then you have no right to complain when they take your money and give it to someone else, including themselves”