"What a childhood I had, why, when..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.”

“She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.”

“When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.”

“School was pretty hard for me at the beginning.”

“Avoid compulsion and let early education be a matter of amusement. Young children learn by games; compulsory education cannot remain in the soul.”

“When I was about twelve I used to think I must be a genius, but nobody's noticed. If there is such a thing as a genius, I am one, and if there isn't I don't care.”

“Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.”

“Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.”

“When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!”