“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.”

“Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“You can't cheat an honest man.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,And think perchance they'll sell; if not,The lustre of the better yet to showShall show the better.”

“The greatest meliorator of the world is selfish, huckstering Trade.”

“In finance everything that is agreeable is unsoundand everything that is sound is disagreeable.”

“To do a great right do a little wrong.”

“For I can raise no money by vile means. By heaven, I had rather coin my heart, And drop my blood for drachmas”

“Profit is a blessing, if it's not stolen.”