"So I said to the gym instructor:..." - Quote by Tim Vine

“If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.”

“I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.”

“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

“I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.”

“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'”

“He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.”

“One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.”

“Reporter lady: What's that color? John: Hm. I'd call this a color!”

“There might be some serious fun in politics.”