“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.”

“Mercutio: "If love be rough with you, be rough with love.”

“The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.”

“To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy is to set your own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them.”