"When I played in the sandbox, the..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.”

“She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.”

“I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?”

“Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude.”

“My father and I were always on the most distant terms when I was a boy--a sort of armed neutrality, so to speak. At irregular intervals this neutrality was broken, and suffering ensued; but I will be candid enough to say that the breaking and the suffering were always divided up with strict impartiality between us--which is to say, my father did the breaking, and I did the suffering.”

“What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?”

“I am conscious that meat eatingis not in accordance with the finer feelings,and I abstain from it whenever I can.”

“Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals.”

“Never work with animals or children.”