"All my available funds are completely tied..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.”

“Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”

“All geniuses die young.”

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually believe that I said this.”

“The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'”

“ROMEO There is thy gold, worse poison to men's souls, Doing more murders in this loathsome world, Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell. I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none. Farewell: buy food, and get thyself in flesh. Come, cordial and not poison, go with me To Juliet's grave; for there must I use thee.”

“The rich man is always sold to the institution which makes him rich. Absolutely speaking, the more money, the less virtue.”

“You know what I think? Very few people play because they love the game. Most of them play because they make good money. They keep playing because of the money. I could care less about it. If I don't love the game, no check is going to keep me playing.”