"All the men in my family were..." - Quote by W C Fields

“I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”

“The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.”

“I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.”

“He rides in the row at ten o clock in the morning, goes to the Opera three times a week, changes his clothes at least five times a day, and dines out every night of the season. You don't call that leading an idle life, do you?”

“They've said I want to direct pictures. I couldn't direct traffic.”

“It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal.”

“Lucky is the man who has been successful with his children and not got ones who are notorious disasters.”

“Families are incubators for citizen activists.”