"I was so ugly my parents had..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.”

“My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.”

“She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.”

“Whatever it is, I'm against it.”

“How would you like to feel the way she looks?”

“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.”

“I'm extremely compassionate, loving, all of those warm fuzzy things, but the outer shell doesn't project that all the time.”

“My main reason for adopting literature as a profession was that, as the author is never seen by his clients, he need not dress respectably.”

“I hope people realise that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs.”