"I don't know why I ever come..." - Quote by W C Fields

“When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.”

“Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.”

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”

“At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know that we know he's there with his questions; to disarm him by seeming to have heard and done justice to his side of the standing argument.”

“Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”

“My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.”

“Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.”

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.”

“I wanted us to have a friendly relationship [with Kanye West]. He promised to play the song for me, but he never did.”