“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.”

“Do not cast away an honest man for a villain's accusation.”

“Justice always whirls in equal measure.”

“Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.”