"I believe in tying the marriage knot,..." - Quote by W C Fields

“No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .”

“You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!.”

“I'm a geek.”

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.”

“I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me”

“I think you need to have people around you who can remind you that, actually, what you just said makes no sense. Fortunately, I have my wife to do that continually.”

“I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.”