"I told my wife a man is..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.”

“My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.”

“I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.”

“Marrying means, to grasp blindfolded into a sack hoping to find out an eel out of an assembly of snakes.”

“I've learned that it doesn't matter how your husband squeezes the toothpaste, the important thing is how he squeezes you.”

“No man should have a secret from his wife. She invariably finds it out.”

“Our lives fade behind us before we die.”

“You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.”

“The older I get, the more centered I become and the more I think I really know about myself. What I know is that what other people do doesn't really have any effect on me.”