"Dad told me to stop running in..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“Comedy is a camouflage for depression.”

“When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"”

“I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.”

“Children start out loving their parents, but as they grow older and discover their parents are human, they become judgmental. And sometimes, when they mature, they forgive their parents, especially when they discover they are also human.”

“My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.”

“When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!”

“I used to say to my auntie, 'You throw my fu*kin' poetry out, and you'll regret it when I'm famous,' and she threw the bast*rd stuff out. I never forgave her for not treating me like a fu*kin' genius or whatever I was when I was a child.”

“My grandfather was one of the original Independence fighters in India, and some of my fondest memories from childhood were walking along the beach with him after he retired and lived in Besant Nagar, in what was then called Madras.”

“Children who are decked with prince's robes and who have jeweled chains round their necks lose all pleasure in play; their dress hampers them at every step. In fear that it may be frayed, or stained with dust, they keep themselves from the world and are afraid ever to move. Mother, it is no gain, thy bondage of finery, if it keep one shut off from the healthful dust of the earth, if it rob one of the right of entrance to the great fair of common human life.”