“Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.”

“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.”

“Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“Prosperity's the very bond of love, Whose fresh complexion and whose heart together Affliction alters.”

“Upon his royal face there is no note how dread an army hath enrounded him.”

“Things at the worst will cease or else climb upward To what they were before.”

“The wound of peace is surety, Surety secure; but modest doubt is called The beacon of the wise, the tent that searches To th' bottom of the worst.”

“Be checked for silence,But never taxed for speech.”

“BewareOf entrance to a quarrel.”

“The one prudence in life is concentration; the one evil is dissipation: and it makes no difference whether our dissipations are coarse or fine; property and its cares, friends and a social habit, or politics, or music, or feasting. Everything is good which takes away one plaything and delusion more, and drives us home to add one stroke of faithful work.”

“It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

“In order for one to learn the important lessons of life, one must first overcome a fear each day.”