"I'll tell you what I love doing..." - Quote by Tim Vine

“When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.”

“With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke”

“One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out”

“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”

“The only good imitations are those that poke fun at bad originals.”

“I was young and not gloomy and there were always strange and comic things that happened in the worst time.”

“Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.”

“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

“Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."”