"If at first you don't succeed, try,..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”

“You can't cheat an honest man.”

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

“The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.”

“I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.”

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“Sometimes, things may not go your way, but the effort should be there every single night.”

“Wearing down seven number two pencils is a good day's work.”

“It often happens that things come into the mind in a more finished form than could have been achieved after much study.”