“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.”

“Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I; every man to his business.”

“In friendship, as in love, we are often happier through our ignorance than our knowledge.”

“Some there be that shadows kiss; Such have but a shadow's bliss.”