"My mom took me to a dog..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.”

“You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.”

“I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.”

“The government says they have loaned over One Billion dollars to the Farmers. In other words, we can't help you make any money, but we will show you where you can owe some more.”

“If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.”

“Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”

“The alphabet of ahimsa is best learnt in domestic school and I can say from experience that if we secure success there, we are sure to do so everywhere else.”

“I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."”

“The only day in your life.... Your mother smiled when you cried.”