"When I was a kid I got..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.”

“I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.”

“When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!”

“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.”

“I went to Oxford University - but I've never let that hold me back.”

“I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.”

“I like happy things, I'm really calm and peaceful. I like birds, bees, I like people. I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful... like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in pre-school!”

“Verily, chemistry is not a splitting of hairs when you have got half a dozen raw Irishmen in the laboratory.”

“I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."”