"Man, who don't like spaghetti?..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!”

“I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.”

“I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!”

“When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you've been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you've got Type 2 Diabetes... It's in bad taste if nothing else.”

“Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.”

“My absolute favorite meal in Nashville is sweet-potato pancakes at Pancake Pantry.”

“What opinions the masses hold, or do not hold, is looked upon as a matter of indifference. They can be granted intellectual liberty becasue they have no intellect.”

“The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors.”

“Editorials are written by people who have agreed to have several strong opinions a day and to write them down, provided they do not have to sign their names.”