"When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink..." - Quote by W C Fields

“If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.”

“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”

“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so irritating.”

“Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.”

“My tastes are simple. I like only the very best.”

“Priests and physicians should never look one another in the face. They have no common ground, nor is there any to mediate betweenthem. When the one comes, the other goes. They could not come together without laughter, or a significant silence, for the one's profession is a satire on the other's, and either's success would be the other's failure.”

“Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?”

“If you work in either journalism or politics... you will be flogged for being right and flogged for being wrong, and it hurts both ways-but it doesn't hurt as much when you're right.”