I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth.
You know you've got to exercise your brain just like your muscles.
This session of Congress is also to relieve the farmer again, relieve him of any encouragement that he might have received during the last one.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
You know the more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. My only solution would be to keep em both out one term and hire my good friend Henry Ford to run the whole thing, and give him a commission on what he saves us.
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
You can be killed just as dead in an unjustified war as you can in one protecting your own home.
Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner.
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?
Work to make a living; serve to make a life.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can't stand him quite that long.
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
If we could just go back the last two or three years and do our buying a little more carefully, why... we would be O.K.
This thing about getting rid of a man in the Cabinet is all right, but there is one bad feature to it that few people realize. That is, that unfortunately every one of them is replaced by someone else. If it wasn't for that, this resignation business would be great.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
There is nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating
If a bank fails in China, they behead the men at the top of it that was responsible... If we beheaded all of ours that were responsible for bank failures, we wouldn't have enough people left to bury the heads.
A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.
There is only one redeeming thing about this whole election. It will be over at sundown, and let everybody pray that it's not a tie, for we couldn't go through with this thing again.
One of these days they are going to remove so much of the 'hooey' and the thousands of things the schools have become clogged up with, and we will find that we can educate our broods for about one-tenth of the price and learn 'em something that they might accidentally use after they escape.
President Coolidge said, 'I don't want the Government to go into business.' Well, if I was Mr. Coolidge I wouldn't worry over that. The Government never has been accused of being a business man.
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
Politics are receiving a lot of attention because we have nothing else to interest us. No nation in the history of the world was ever sitting as pretty. If we want anything, all we have to do is go and buy it on credit. So that leaves us without any economic problem whatever, except perhaps some day to have to pay for them. But we are certainly not thinking about that this early.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.
There's no way in the world you're going to make a political party respectable unless you keep it out of office.
Andrew Jackson was the first one to think up the idea to promise everybody that if they will vote for you, you will give them an office when you get it, and the more times they vote for you, the bigger the office.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
The US is safest when Congress is in recess.
The theater is a great equalizer: it is the only place where the poor can look down on the rich.
Every man is ignorant - just on different subjects.
People don't change under governments. Governments change. People remain the same.
I am telling folks that the Country as a whole is "Sound," and that all those who's heads are solid are bound to get back into the market again. I tell 'em that this Country is bigger than Wall Street, and if they don't believe it, I show 'em the map.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The public perceives there are problems with the water system, and with the efficiency of the system. We need some leadership and to provide expertise in the area of efficiency.
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely
They used to take your horse and if they were caught they got hung for it. Now they take your car, and if they are caught it's a miracle.
You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic situation? We spent six years of wild buying on credit - everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not - and now we are having to pay for 'em, and we are howling like a pet coon.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
There wasn't any Republicans in Washington's day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no static, no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn't be great?
Americans are getting like a Ford car, they all have the same exact parts, the same upholstering and make exactly the same noises.
Prosperity this Winter is going to be enjoyed by everybody that is fortunate enough to get into the poor farm.
Land taxes is the thing. They got so high that there is no chance to make anything. Not only land but all property tax. You see in the old days, why the only thing they knew how to tax was land, or a house. Well, that condition went along for quite awhile, so even today the whole country tries to run its revenue on taxes on land. They never ask if the land makes anything. "It's land ain't it? Well tax it then."
There is nothing that sets a nation back as far in civilization as prosperity.
Wish all the Farmers would move to town one year, that's the only way I know to clear the thing up.
Congress knew Coolidge would veto the farm bill. There was more politics than relief in that bill.
It wasn't what we needed then that was hurting us, it was what we was paying for that we had already used up. The country was just buying gasoline for a leaky tank. Everything was going into a gopher hole and you couldent see where you was going to get any of it back.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.
Well, another senator rose and said {as they always do} 'Does the gentleman yield?' They always say that - least they call each other 'gentleman' in there. But the tone they put on the word, it would sound more appropriate if they came right out and said 'Would the coyote from Maine yield?' 'cause that's about the way it sounds. Well, then, the other senator says 'I yield' (for if he don't the other guy'll keep on talking anyhow). So the coyote from Maine says 'I yield to...the polecat from Oregon!'
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
You must judge a man's greatness by how much he will be missed.
Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for -- to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell 'em.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
If your Income Taxes go to help out the less fortunate, there could be no legitimate kick against it in the world. This is becoming the richest, and the poorest Country in the world. Why? Why, on account of an unequal distribution of the money.
