Will Rogers Quotes

“There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.”

“It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment”

“Say did you read in the papers about a bunch of Women up in British Columbia as a protest against high taxes, sit out in the open naked, and they wouldent put their clothes on? The authorities finally turned a Sprayer that you use on trees, on 'em. That may lead into quite a thing. Woman comes into the tax office nude, saying I won't pay. Well they can't search her and get anything. It sounds great. How far is it to British Columbia?”

“When you are satisfied, you are successful. For that's all there is to success is satisfaction.”

“I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it.”

“Samuel Gompers has spent his life trying to keep labor from working too hard and has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.”

“The country has gone sane and got back to horses.”

“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”

“Nothing makes a man, or a body of men, as mad as the truth. If there is no truth in it, they laugh it off.”

“Ability is all right but if it is not backed up by honesty and public confidence you will never be a successful person. The best a man can do is to arrive at the top in his chosen profession. I have always maintained that one profession is deserving of as much honor as another provided it is honorable.”

“The theater is a great equalizer: it is the only place where the poor can look down on the rich.”

“There is nothing that sets a nation back as far in civilization as prosperity.”

“Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.”

“You could transfer Congress over to run Standard Oil or General Motors, and they would have both things bankrupt in two years.”

“The farmers can be thankful. Didn't the Farm Board decide in Washington last week that they could have cheaper interest? All the farmers have to do now is to find something new to put up as security.”

“Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

“If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.”

“Americans will feed anyone that's not close to them.”

“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

“Wish all the Farmers would move to town one year, that's the only way I know to clear the thing up.”

“If we took Congress seriously, we would be worrying all the time.”

“Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.”

“They are each good when they are out, and each bad when they are in.”