"My wife is such a bad cook,..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.”

“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”

“When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.”

“I wanted it to look like real cooking in someone's real home or just so out-of-there bizarre that it would be fun.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

“One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".”

“All young women begin by believing they can change and reform the men they marry. They can't.”

“there is not one in a hundred of either sex, who is not taken in when they marry. ... it is, of all transactions, the one in which people expect most from others, and are least honest themselves.”

“Marriage is to me apostasy, profanation of the sanctuary of my soul, violation of my manhood, sale of my birthright, shameful surrender, ignominious capitulation, acceptance of defeat.”