"He who laughs last didn't get it..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”

“She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).”

“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”

“Irony is wasted on the stupid”

“I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.”

“I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.”

“Learn to differentiate between ignorance and stupidity.”

“It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.”

“Ours may become the first civilization destroyed, not by the power of our enemies, but by the ignorance of our teachers and the dangerous nonsense they are teaching our children. In an age of artificial intelligence, they are creating artificial stupidity.”