"I met the surgeon general - he..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

“I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.”

“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”

“I have a terrific pain in the back of my head.”

“Nature has not intended mankind to work from eight in the morning until midnight without that refreshment of blessed oblivion which, even if it only lasts twenty minutes, is sufficient to renew all the vital forces.”

“After a time, civil servants tend to become no longer servants and no longer civil.”

“Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.”

“Criticism sometimes is really praise, and praise sometimes slander.”