"My father carries around the picture of..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
More by Rodney Dangerfield
“My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'”
“You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.”
“There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.”
More on Parents
“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."”
“The Founding Fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called an education.”
“When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.”
More on Disrespect
“You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.”
“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
“When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.”