"I'd like to see Paris before I..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.”

“A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.”

“There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.”

“I have often thought that less is expected of the president of a great corporation than of an American wife.”

“Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from the past? Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation? Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! So we need to get more oil somehow. As far as I can figure, there's only one practical way to do this. That's right: We need to clone more dinosaurs. We have the technology, as was shown in two blockbuster scientific movies, Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park Returns with Exactly the Same Plot. Once we have the dinosaurs, all we need is an asteroid.”

“With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now”

“Cheer up,' I said. 'All countries look just like the moving pictures.”

“New York traffic can drive you crazy.”

“Every sea-captain who sailed to the West Indies was expected to bring home a turtle on the return voyage for a feast to his expectant friends.”