"Never try to impress a woman, because..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.”

“My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.”

“What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.”

“The trouble with many married people is that they are trying to get more out of marriage than there is in it.”

“Love works in a circle, for the beloved moves the lover by stamping a likeness, and the lover then goes out to hold the beloved inreality. Who first was the beginning now becomes the end of motion.”

“I believe that everyone is the keeper of a dream – and by tuning into one another’s secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents, and better lovers.”