"A travel agent told I could spend..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!”

“My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.”

“My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."”

“Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.”

“I cannot help reflecting that if my father had been American and my mother British instead of the other way around, I might have gotten here on my own.”

“Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of.”

“I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.”

“Paris is always a good idea.”

“Chiefly the sea-shore has been the point of departure to knowledge, as to commerce. The most advanced nations are always those who navigate the most.”