"When we got married, the first thing..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.”

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

“It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.”

“When once married people begin to attack me with, 'Oh! you will think very differently, when you are married,' I can only say, 'No I shall not'; and then they say again, 'Yes you will,' and there is an end to it.”

“A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”

“I think you need to have people around you who can remind you that, actually, what you just said makes no sense. Fortunately, I have my wife to do that continually.”

“With the first money I ever made I bought my Mommy and Daddy a car, and helped them fix their house up.”

“A penny saved is twopence dear; A pin a day 's a groat a year.”

“LSD...reinforc ed my sense of what was important-creat ing great things instead of making money, putting things back into the stream of history and of human consciousness as much as I could.”