"The laziest man I ever met put..." - Quote by W C Fields

“Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!”

“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”

“Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.”

“Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.”

“The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.”

“I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.”

“It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

“Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?”

“The human body has two ends on it: one to create with and one to sit on. Sometimes people get their ends reversed. When this happens they need a kick in the seat of the pants.”