"If every man was as true to..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".”

“With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.”

“I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.”

“What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.”

“Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.”

“Humor is the most engaging cowardice.”

“Sam, clinging to Frodo's arm, collapsed on a step in the black darkness. 'Poor old Bill!' he said in a choking voice. 'Poor old Bill! Wolves and snakes! But the snakes were too much for him. I had to choose, Mr. Frodo. I had to come with you.”

“The merchant has no country .”

“I can never think of promoting my convenience at the expense of a friend's interest and inclination.”