"I knew a girl so ugly, I..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.”

“Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!”

“A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.”

“I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.”

“I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.”

“You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.”

“Whoe'er excels in what we prize,Appears a hero in our eyes;Each girl, when pleased with what is taught,Will have the teacher in her thought.. . . .A blockhead with melodious voice,In boarding-schools may have his choice.”

“Look your best - who said love is blind?”

“What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?”