"What would you do if you were..." - Quote by W C Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
More by W C Fields
“Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.”
“The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.”
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”
More on Humor
“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?”
“If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.”
“Common criticism of the Internet is that it is dominated by the crude, the uninformed, the immature, the smug, the untalented, the repetitious, the pathetic, the hostile, the deluded, the sefl-righteous, and the shrill. This criticism overlooks the fact that the Internet also offers - for the savvy individual who knows where to look - the tasteless and borderline insane.”
More on Politics
“This country has been strip-mined by rich and powerful interests. If you dont like what they're doing, don't just sit there. Vote them out.”
“What really gets me is this - it's very ironic that those who are most critical of extra tax are those who are most vociferous in demanding extra expenditure. What gets me even more is that having demanded that extra expenditure they are not prepared to face the consequences of their own action and stand by the necessity to get the tax to pay for it. I wish some of them had a bit more guts and courage than they have.”
“The reason so many people misunderstand so many issues is not that these issues are so complex, but that people do not want a factual or analytical explanation that leaves them emotionally unsatisfied. They want villains to hate and heroes to cheer - and they don't want explanations that do not give them that.”