Erma Bombeck Quotes

“Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”

“I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.”

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

“Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.”

“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.”

“I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.”

“It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.”

“I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.”

“The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”

“I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.”

“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”

“Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'”

“Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

“Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.”

“In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale.”