Medical Quotes

I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.

I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

Is there a medical rule that requires doctors-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto?

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.

I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.

It is a good idea to 'shop around' before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh.

I see in him (Dr. Max Gerson) one of the most eminent medical geniuses in the history of medicine...he was greatly impeded by adverse political conditions.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.