"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing...." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.”

“I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.”

“I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?”

“I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.”

“Most critics don't realize that a novel like One Hundred Years of Solitude is a bit of a joke, full of signals to close friends; and so, with some pre-ordained right to pontificate they take on the responsibility of decoding the book and risk making terrible fools of themselves.”

“While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch.”

“At the end of a dinner at my house, my kitchen sink is filled with dishes and there's nothing pretty about the garbage.”

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”