"I put hardwood floors on top of..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."”

“I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.”

“I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.”

“Everyone has a right to pronounce foreign names as he chooses.”

“I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.”

“Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the head with a big rubber basketball shoe.”

“I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.”

“Man wanted a home, a place for warmth, or comfort, first of physical warmth, then the warmth of the affections.”

“What a house - nothin' but rooms!”