“My father was a small claims court jester.”
“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”
“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”
“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”
“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”
“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.”
“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”
“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”
“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”
“How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!”
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
“If it be you that stirs these daughters' heartsAgainst their father, fool me not so muchTo bear it tamely; touch me with noble anger,And let not women's weapons, water drops,Stain my man's cheeks.”
“Syntax must be bad, having sin and tax in it.”
“Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?”
