"If a tree falls in the forest..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.”

“How do you get off a non-stop flight?”

“When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.”

“Existence begins in every instant.”

“Reality: What a concept!”

“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”

“I have found strength where one does not look for it: in simple, mild, and pleasant people, without the least desire to rule -- and, conversely, the desire to rule has often appeared to me a sign of inward weakness: they fear their own slave soul and shroud it in a royal cloak (in the end, they still become the slaves of their followers, their fame, etc.)”

“If you are describing any occurrence... make two or more distinct reports at different times... We discriminate at first only a few features, and we need to reconsider our experience from many points of view and in various moods in order to perceive the whole.”

“Self-knowledge comes from knowing other men.”