"I bought some instant water one time..." - Quote by Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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“I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.”
“I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”
“I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.”
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“Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?”
“When Henry Ford said, "The customer can have a car in any color as long as it's black," he was not joking.”
“I make shoes for white suburban kids, not the poor black kids. That would be like opening a restaurant for people without stomachs.”