"When I was 16... I worked in..." - Quote by Steven Wright
When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
More by Steven Wright
“I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."”
“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?”
“I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.”
More on Humor
“Scurrility has no object in view but incivility; if it is uttered from feelings of petulance, it is mere abuse; if it is spoken in a joking manner, it may be considered raillery.”
“Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.”
“That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.”
More on Work
“I have a wonderful family. I have a job that I love and wonderful people who help me with it. It can't get any better than that.”
“Excellently observed", answered Candide; "but let us cultivate our garden.”
“Work mixed with management becomes not only easier but more profitable. The time is past when anyone can boast about 'hard work' without having a corresponding result to show for it.”