"It's a fine night to have an..." - Quote by Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
More by Steven Wright
“When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'”
“Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?”
“I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."”
More on Humor
“Could one start a Stagnation Party-which at General Elections would boast that during its term of office no event of the least importance had taken place?”
“I delight in men over seventy. They always offer one the devotion of a lifetime.”
“Well, the end of another busy day. I can't wait till I get back to bed. If that don't work I'll try to sleep.”
More on Absurdity
“I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.”
“Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.”
“I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.”