"When I was ten, my pa told..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.”

“When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.”

“I was an only child, eventually.”

“When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?”

“Land!” shouted Thomas. “Is there food?” asked Tubby Ted.”

“No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.”

“Overcome the Empyrean; hurlHeaven and Earth out of their places,That in the same calamityBrother and brother, friend and friend,Family and family,City and city may contend.”

“It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals.”

“I am principled against this kind of traffic in the human species . . . and to disperse the families I have an aversion.”