"I don't feel that I'm explaining the..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.”

“Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?”

“I`ve not really been angling to be a comedian. I knew comics and I loved them and I loved being funny, but I didn't understand the whole concept of becoming one. My first couple of times on stage, I was like, "This is what I'm doing for sure." I was so excited.”

“I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup.”

“On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.”

“There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.”

“On every formal visit a child ought to be of the party, by way of provisions for discourse.”

“I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.”