"I saw a sign at a gas..." - Quote by Steven Wright
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
More by Steven Wright
“I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.”
“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”
“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.”
More on Humor
“It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford and let it talk.”
“Stupidity is a personal achievement which transcends national boundaries.”
“Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful horses in the parade and a man without a silver saddle is a vagrant.”
More on Work
“The business being thus closed . . . dined together and took a cordial leave of each other After which I returned to my lodgings, did some business with and received the papers from the secretary of the Convention, and retired to meditate on the momentous work which had been executed.”
“One's work usually occupies more than half of one's waking life. Choosing work that does not bring happiness will lead to a life that is mostly disappointing.”
“I've never been very fully employed either.”