“My father was a small claims court jester.”

“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”

“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”

“I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Every subject's duty is the Kings, but every subject's soul is his own.”

“We must every one be a man of his own fancy.”

“I am not in the roll of common men.”