"George is a radio announcer, and when..." - Quote by Steven Wright

“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”

“They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.”

“The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.”

“A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.”

“A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.”

“Wherever there is smoke there is a good smoke machine.”

“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.”

“It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?”

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”